dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
