True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
