omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
