She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
