I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
