; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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