I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
