mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
