I got chris browned last night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
