After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
