you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
