theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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