Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
