Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
