She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
