She's JV to your varsity
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
