Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
