i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
