You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
