Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
