OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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