hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
