Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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