i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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