don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
