I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
