They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
