We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The cops high fived after they tackled you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
