no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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