Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
