By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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