It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Randomize
