I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
