therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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