how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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