I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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