I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
