when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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