im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
