Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Farmville is her only friend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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