I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
