is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
