i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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