i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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