I met the friendliest cop last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
