She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
