Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've blown a few things in my day
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
