Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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