i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
