he wants to bone in the snuggie
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
