I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
