I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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