Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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