You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
